You're Still Way Over There
by CC Capwell
Summary: "I just never thought he'd play that song. Our song." Callie tries to deal with Brandon moving on after hearing him sing Outlaws for a second time and ends up realizing that maybe she doesn't want to move on either. Set during and after 2.03
1. Ch 1: Our Song

I told him to play so that everyone would get the hell out of the house. And while that was definitely a major concern, it was more than that. I told him to play because I knew how much he needed it. And because I had so missed hearing him make music.

I just never thought he'd play that song. Our song.

I hear the first few notes from inside and I think I'm imagining it. I make my way to the backyard and I realize I'm not.

He sees me after a few seconds and then quickly averts his gaze, launching into the next verse of the song. I've never heard this verse. Outlaws, until right now, was unfinished, the same way Brandon and I were.

He glances over again, for longer this time and our eyes lock. I'm relieved when he turns back to the keyboard because I'm pretty sure that its written all over my face that I still love him, that I always have, that I probably always will. And that's not what he needs to see because falling in love with me almost broke him.

Wyatt appears and I lean into him because hearing Brandon sing our song has made me literally weak in the knees. He doesn't realize that. He was the first one to call me out on how I felt about Brandon but its like he refuses to see it anymore. I'm going to end up breaking him too.

Brandon finishes the song and immediately launches into another one. I give Wyatt a clean-up task and head to my room for a few minutes to catch my breath. The quiet corner of my room is the only place in this house where I don't have to hide my feelings.

I flop down on my bed and think of the first time he serenaded me with Outlaws. How I had never felt more loved by anyone than I did in that moment. How we probably would have went all the way right there on Daphne's floor if we had more time. How hearing him sing to me had made me, a girl who lived minute to minute, imagine the future- a future where he wrote me more songs, where he serenaded me at our wedding, where he sang our babies to sleep.

And then I remember when I sang our song to him. In the hospital after Vico beat him up. Stef was dealing with insurance stuff, Lena had went to school to check on things and Mike was talking to the DA and police chief so I had him to myself for a few precious minutes. He was sedated on pain meds and sleeping. Seeing him so broken, I could literally feel my heart breaking. I started to sob and then stopped myself out of fear that he could hear it on some level. I tried to find the right words but I found myself whispering,

I think we might be outlaws.

I think I might be in love.

Cause I'm all out of reasons,

like seasons,

Winter, summer, fall

they're all washed up.

If you're still way over there,

maybe slide on in by my side,

cause I'm just an outlaw,

wanted if you want me.

I'll love you everyday and every night

And then I was crying again telling him over and over that I was sorry and that I loved him. I kissed his forehead, his eyelashes, his nose, his bruised cheek, the spot on his neck that I knew drove him crazy, each perfect finger on his uninjured hand and finally his other hand that was all wrapped up in bandages. He didn't so much as stir, which I suppose was fortunate. If he had woken up, I don't think I could have denied him anything. I heard Mariana telling me that Stef will be back in a minute. I'm still not sure what she saw or heard- she's never brought it up. It's like she knows its too much for me to talk about.

My memory is interrupted by Wyatt knocking on my door and I head back downstairs with him to clean up.

Brandon comes over and apologizes that I had to be the responsible one all night. I tell him honestly that it was worth it to hear him play again. He brings up "Outlaws," calls it "ours." I tell him how its good, how much everyone loved it, how the band could really be something. And then I wait for what comes next, what always comes next with Brandon- he'll move in closer to me, his voice will get lower, sexier, his eyes will force me to meet his gaze, he'll touch my hair or my hand.

And I realize that after months of telling him no and pushing him away, tonight I won't. The moms are gone, everyone else is preoccupied with their own drama, I'll send Wyatt home. The rest of it, the complicated part, we can deal with later. Tonight, I just want him to sing to me, want to hold him, want to lose myself in him. I deserve it after the night I had playing bathroom monitor. And god knows, he deserves some happiness.

But he doesn't lower his voice, or lean in, or touch my hair. He thanks me for being such a good...sister. He pauses before saying sister and the word hangs in the air and I just want to erase it but its already out there. This is exactly what I've told him I wanted, how things needed to be- for us to be brother and sister. After months of wishing he could accept that, he's finally starting to. I should be thankful, I should be happy. And yet, I feel like he's just punched me in the stomach.

Laying in bed that night, I remember telling him that not being together would hurt until it didn't anymore. Tonight, I realize that that day will never come.


	2. Ch 2: Dying to Reach Out for You

**Callie**

I should have seen this thing with Brandon and Lou coming. But I didn't. And so when I walk into the kitchen and see his hand on the small of her back exactly thirteen days after they sang Outlaws together, it feels like yet another punch to the stomach. But I force a tight smile and make some small talk about the band before excusing myself to go "check on Jude."

By the second stair, the tears are coming and by the time I fall onto my bed, its full blown, quiet sobs. And I feel ridiculous for even crying which makes me cry more. I'm the one who made the decision that we couldn't keep doing…whatever it was we were doing. I told him no, I made him feel wrong for even wanting it. I rejected him the night of the dance when he came to me basically pleading and putting his heart in my hands. I've made him answer the door when Wyatt comes to pick me up for god's sake. So it's really unreasonable that I'm sitting here sobbing because he's finally done waiting for me to change my mind.

Except that I guess I expected that he would wait for me, for us. Even though I've told him it's impossible. He's never doubted his feelings, he's always been sure that we could fight, that we could find some way to make it work. And even though I gave up on us a long time ago, realizing that he's also given up, that he's found someone that it will be easy and fun with, is the hardest part of this Callie and Brandon saga that I've been living for months now. Because this makes it feel like the real end.

_**A few weeks later**_

**Brandon**

For the first time in months, thing are looking up. This things with Lou is…fun. Callie and I never got to the stage where we could just be a couple who did fun things. Lou can be challenging and she's definitely a bit of a diva but compared to the past year, a high maintenance singer is a walk in the park.

And the band has gained a nice little following. We've had four local shows. Everyone has come- the Moms, Dad, the twins, Jude. Well almost everyone. Callie has always found a reason not to go- either something with Wyatt or her part-time job or homework- even though she somehow always makes it to Mariana's dance team things and Jesus's wrestling. The Moms don't push her the way they would the other kids- and I know its because they're thrilled with the way things have quietly fizzled with us and they're scared to open the Pandora's box that is Callie and Brandon.

But it hurts. This girl who loved my music more than anyone, who practically pushed me into this band will just not show up for me. She says she wanted to be real siblings, to be friends. Well she's sucking at both of those things right now. She could come with Wyatt, I'd be there with Lou- everyone's happy, right? I just really want her opinion on our songs. Because her opinion will always matter to me even if I wish it didn't.

The night she blows off the fourth show, I run into her late at night when we're both getting water after everyone has gone to sleep. She asks how it went and I surprise myself by saying, "You would know if you ever bothered to show up." She starts to choke out an apology and I tell her, "I just thought , even if we're never going to be you know together, that I meant enough to you that you would show up to here me play. You know as my friend, or…sister." God, that sounds ridiculous. Doesn't she hear how ridiculous it sounds? Calling her my sister will never feel normal. Even if the adoption goes through, even in 20 years, she will never be my sister.

I turn to leave the kitchen without looking at her again when I hear her say in a small voice, "It hurts too much. Seeing you with Lou."

She goes on, "It's bad enough running into you two here, seeing you hold her hand or kiss her in the kitchen. I can't watch you sing with her. So I'm sorry if you're pissed at me but I just can't."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. This girl who has told me that we can't be so many times, who has forced me have a front row seat to her relationship with Wyatt is upset that I've dared to move on from her, to not be miserable every single freaking day.

I've felt so many emotions since Callie Jacob came into my life but for the first time, standing in the kitchen tonight, I'm truly angry at her. "Oh you can't, that's just great, Callie" I say as my voice rises. I quiet it to avoid waking up the entire house but I get even more tense. "Do you have any idea what the past few months have been like? With you insisting that we act like brother and sister. Like that's not the most ridiculous thing either of us have ever heard. With you having Wyatt here all the time. And now you get to be upset that I'm actually trying to be happy again?"

"Brandon, I…. ," she starts.

I cut her off, "No, for once I'm getting the last word, Callie. Do you know what it's been like for me here? **I know all the reasons that we can't be together, but I am — I'm a man and when we, when you and I go to our separate rooms at night, I know, I can't just turn myself into some sort of automaton with no feelings and no desires. I just — its just not possible.****You know, when you — you come out of the bathroom after a shower in your towel with your hair all combed to one side and I bump into you in the hallway and I'm —pretending to be really focused on the carpet or the wall or whatever, but that's not what I'm doing. I — I'm watching you and I'm wishing I could stroke your hair. I'm trying not to, but I am. **

**I am a man and when you and I reach for the orange juice at the same time or you end up next to me on the couch when the moms call a meeting, and you're always so careful that we're never touching, never touching anymore, I sit there, so painfully aware of everything that you're doing, of how you breathe, of where your hands are, of the smell of your hair and it takes every ounce of my being to not want to reach out to you. I care about you. I want you. I'm dying to reach out for you.**

**But I…you've made it very clear that that is not what you want. That I am not what you want. And because I want to respect that, respect you Callie, I'm trying really hard to move on. So unless you've changed your mind, unless things are somehow different for us now, you don't get to be upset about this. **

**So that's all I have to say. Your turn"**

**I hear her inhale sharply. When she doesn't respond after ten seconds, I leave her in the kitchen, sitting in the exact same spot where I first saw her. **


	3. Ch 3: Wait Until Morning

**Callie**

I sit in the kitchen, hearing his words over and over in my mind.

"_When you — you come out of the bathroom after a shower in your towel with your hair all combed to one side and I bump into you in the hallway and I'm —pretending to be really focused on the carpet or the wall or whatever, but that's not what I'm doing. I — I'm watching you and I'm wishing I could stroke your hair. I'm trying not to, but I am. _

_I am a man and when you and I reach for the orange juice at the same time or you end up next to me on the couch when the moms call a meeting, and you're always so careful that we're never touching, never touching anymore, I sit there, so painfully aware of everything that you're doing, of how you breathe, of where your hands are, of the smell of your hair and it takes every ounce of my being to not want to reach out to you. I care about you. I want you. I'm dying to reach out for you."_

I will never understand what I've done to inspire such a beautiful, impassioned speech. All I've done is make his perfect life hard since I arrived.

It kills me that he thinks I don't want to touch him. Because I do. Every day when I hear him practicing on his keyboard when I get home from group, I want to sneak up behind him and smother his neck in kisses. When I see him sitting on the couch, I want to curl up next to him and lay my head in his lap. I want to feel his perfect, talented fingers running through my hair, rubbing my back. Actually, I want his hands all over me. All the time.

But I also want this family. And so all of these feelings that I have, that we have to go nowhere.

I need to go to bed. I need to somehow forget this encounter in the kitchen. We need to go back to status quo. Me and Wyatt. Him and Lou if that's what he wants. Siblings albeit with sexual tension that will probably never entirely go away. Avoiding each other if we have to until college. I'll be fine. That's what I do. I'm a professional when it comes to enduring heartache.

I head up the stairs and instead of going to straight to my room, I find myself outside his door. I just want to hear him breathing for a minute. I've done this before late at night. It's my one little indulgence. I listen for a minute and then I force myself to walk away.

Except tonight his words are still ringing in my ears. "_I care about you. I want you. I'm dying to reach out for you." _

And in that second, my hand ends up on his doorknob. **I care about him. I want him. I'm dying to reach out for him too. And I want him to know. **Everything else, all the problems, all the complications, all the reason we can't, can wait until morning.


	4. Ch 4: Actual Sparks

**Brandon**

I've imagined her showing up in my room late at night so many times that I assume I'm hallucinating or dreaming when she appears in my doorway.

She quietly closes the door and then leans up against it as if by throwing her weight against the door, she's going to keep out the entire world and all its reasons that we can't be together. And for the first time in months, she looks at me and gives me that half smile that I adore.

She starts to make her way over to me. The attraction between us, the attraction that we've been denying for so long is so strong in this moment that I am sure there will be actual sparks when we touch.

"Callie...what are you...?" She crawls onto my lap and presses a finger to my lips. Without so much as a thought, I kiss it and then place it in my mouth.

"You're not the only one, Brandon," she whispers, "Okay you aren't. I'm not the songwriter or the one who can just come up with these amazing speeches out of nowhere. But it's the same for me, okay? I care about you. I _want_ you. I have been dying to reach out for you just as much. And it kills me that you don't know that, that you haven't felt that. So I needed you to know. And I need to be close to you. At least for tonight. We deserve one night."

With that, she closes the tiny gap between us and her lips are on mine, warm and soft and eager, and we can't possibly get any closer and yet it's not remotely close enough for either of us. Forget sparks, I'm pretty sure I'm on fire. It feels right and familiar, the same way it did the very first time we kissed, except now how hungry we are for each other is heightened by the months we've been apart.

But as we're kissing, this annoying voice in my head is telling me that if this goes on for one more second, I'll become addicted to this feeling, to her. More than I already am if that's even possible. That this barely functional "sibling" relationship we have, the one she's insisted on, will blow up and this time there will be no going back and it will affect everyone.

"Callie," I moan unconvincingly as she's planting a trail of kisses along my neck and pulling at my shirt. "We have to stop, baby." She doesn't stop.

I lift her out of my lap and say a little more firmly, "We can't do this." It physically hurts to say those words. She recoils like I've slapped her and jumps up off the bed. "You're right, I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm an idiot. I should go." And in that moment I see the little girl who grew entirely too accustomed to people not wanting her. I think if things were different, I would spend the rest of our lives erasing any feelings of her being unwanted or unloved.

I reach for her. She's stiff and tense, miles away from where we were two minutes ago, but she lets me hold her. "You know," I start before lifting her head up and forcing her to look at me, "You **know** that it's not that I don't want you. I love knowing that it's still the same for you. I love you. But we can't do this tonight and then tomorrow go back to the way things have been. I won't be able to pretend anymore. Right? I mean is there something I'm not seeing, some way you see us being together? Because if there is, just say the word, Callie." I kiss her hair and wait for an answer that I know isn't coming.

And now she won't look at me anymore. She takes my hand, the one that Vico almost destroyed, and kisses it over and over. "I'm so sorry, B."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

And then she's gone and I'm alone in my bed, realizing that tomorrow morning is going to be excruciating. And that all of it has just gotten even harder now, if that's even possible. But holding her was worth it.

I can still feel the weight of her in my arms as I fall asleep.


	5. Ch 5: Nothing Sisterly

_Author Note- Thank you so much for all the lovely g reviews. I intended for this to be a one-shot, then a two shot and you guys have me inspired to continue and thinking about this story while I'm at work. _

Callie

Somehow life goes on after the night of Brandon's speech and my late night visit to his bed. Six weeks pass and things go back to mostly the way they were before that night. I spend time with Wyatt. I spend more time with Jude who seems to need me more with the arrival of Sophia and Robert in my life, I allow Mariana to suck me into her daily crises. He's busy with the band and I guess with Lou. I don't really know. But things with us have softened since that night- I think we've both come to understand that we're not picking other people over each other. We're just both trying to be happy since we can't be together. And if happy isn't a possibility, then maybe just a little less lonely.

When we do interact, it's awkward and sad and the cloud of what could have been or what could maybe still be looms large. And still, bumping into him in the kitchen or the hallway or during forced family bonding is always, always the best part of my day.

The adoption still hasn't happened. It will though. Robert, feeling guilt or maybe his own cloud of what could have been, has asked me to agree to weekly dinners with him and Sophia for 2 months before he signs the papers. He assures me it's not because he wants to make things difficult, he just wants us to get to know each other and he worries I'll have no incentive to come see them once I'm officially a Foster. Lena and Stef, especially Stef, aren't thrilled but after being a little weirded out at first, I actually don't really mind. I like hearing him talk about my mom, I like Sophia and I don't think he has ulterior motives. Besides it's not like his wife is going to let him fight for custody- that might throw off her Christmas card portrait planning.

The way I see it, I have my family at the house and now I have two bonus people who want to be part of my life. Why shouldn't I embrace that? There's enough to go around, that was the first lesson Brandon Foster taught me. Looking back, I think I fell in love the moment I heard him say those words to me in the music room.

I'm surprised, except not at all surprised, when one day, out of the blue, Brandon tells all of us at dinner that he's having the ultra risky hand surgery later that same week. While I thought he had given up or at least put aside the idea for the foreseeable future and was content to just play with the band, he's been researching doctors and studies all along and has convinced Stef, Mike and Lena that this is a chance worth taking.

It stings a little that I'm finding out with everyone, that he didn't tell me this huge thing first. But I realize he's doing what I wanted- treating me the same way he treats the rest of family. He's trying so so hard. For me. The problem is seeing him do that is making me fall even more in love with him.

I'm lost in that thought when I hear Jesus asking about the band and Brandon telling him that Lou went to Chicago to work with a pretty prominent local band who had just lost their lead singer. He says he's happy for her, she may be gone awhile, he sounds pretty fine with it. Besides, he says, the band was a distraction from missing classical and he's realized that classical will always be it for him. I wonder if I'm the only one seeing the metaphor here or if the metaphor is entirely in my head.

The night before the surgery, Lena and Stef insist on a family movie night, perhaps to distract him, perhaps to distract themselves. We end up next to each other on the couch after Mariana, who is sitting next to Brandon, physically pulls me down in between them and then proceeds to go sit uncomfortably on the floor with her Judicorn. I'm not entirely certain but I think she winked at me while doing this.

I don't watch the movie as all of my attention is focused on how tense Brandon seems. It takes every ounce of restraint I didn't know I had not to take his hand, or rub his back or run my fingers through his hair. He needs to relax and I know I can calm him but not with everyone here. When everyone finally says their goodnights, I wait twenty minutes and then tell Mariana I'm going downstairs for water. I'm too stunned to respond when she says, "Go. He needs you."

And she's right, he does need me. I realize this even more when I see him sitting at his keyboard, staring at it but not playing. And really, it's perfectly appropriate as his sister and his friend under these circumstances for me to check on him. I go to the spot where I would go back when I'd bring in my guitar and we'd play together.

But there's nothing sisterly about the way I wrap my arms around him and then take his hand and kiss each finger, letting each one linger inside my mouth for a few seconds. I'm so focused on him that I don't even notice that the door doesn't close all the way behind me.


	6. Ch 6: A Perfect Match

**Stef**

I try to fall asleep- tomorrow is going to be a long, stressful day with Brandon's surgery. But I'm a mom and I can't stop worrying about my little boy. Not just the surgery although god knows I'm worrying about that. But he was a ball of nerves tonight, barely saying five words to any of us.

I decide to go check on him one last time, to tell him how brave he's been, how proud I am, how everything will be okay no matter what. I see the door cracked open and the light on and think, "Good, he's still up." I'm about to walk through the door when I hear voices and am glad one of the other kids had the good sense to check on him.

And then I see through the cracked opening that it's Callie and she is in his lap. Her arms are wrapped around him, his head is buried against her.

My first instinct, the cop instinct, is to bust in the room and ask them what the hell is going on, if they've been sneaking around under mine and Lena's noses. The more rational part of me, the part of my head that I owe to years of Lena's influence, tells me to calm down. Yes, they're clinging to each other but clothes are on, nothing illicit is going on in this moment under our roof. And to give them some credit, they're smart kids- if they were hooking up or whatever it is they do or have done, they would have the sense not to leave the lights on and the door open.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this with their history. Except I am. When Brandon moved back in with us after the accident, I got into the habit of checking both of their rooms late at night. Lena hated this- she said we needed to trust them. But I'm a detective, I investigate things, I needed to know what we were dealing with especially if we were going to go through with this adoption and make them siblings. And night after night, there they would be in their separate rooms. We've never caught them looking so much as mildly suspicious since shortly after my Dad's funeral. In fact, I've barely seen them speak to each other outside of family meals the past few months. We pretty much stopped worrying about it- god knows there's enough other things to worry about with our crew.

And so what I thought the whole thing had been was two hormonal teens who got caught up in a moment that was heightened by the drama of Callie's running away. And I thought like most teen infatuations, it had run its course. Callie wanted to be part of this family, a family that includes Brandon, she inched back toward Wyatt, Brandon was caught up in his recovery and the band.

I see her kiss the top of his head, he lifts up his head and kisses her nose. It's innocent...but it's not at all platonic. Ten seconds of glimpsing them through the door & I realize that I've majorly missed something or that they have been doing an Oscar worthy job hiding their feelings. No one who saw them would peg them as siblings or friends or anything but lovers. There's nothing awkward or tentative about the way they're wrapped up in each other. In fact, Brandon looks the most relaxed he's looked in months since even before he got injured. They look entirely comfortable being so close to each other. Which is a problem given that we're about to make them brother and sister.

But there's nothing I can do about this tonight. Brandon is having major surgery. The last thing he needs, the last thing I need right now, is an emotional confrontation about whatever is going on with him and Callie. And I'm too worried about tomorrow to decide if I should be angry or concerned or what with them.

I think about making some obvious noise so that they'll realize I'm awake, he'll stop hanging on his almost sister and she'll return to her room. But I hear their voices again and think I also need to get a sense of what the hell is going on here, what Lena and I will be dealing with. I'm so not the mom who listens to her kids' conversations but this one is different. This one could have a major impact on our entire family. So I back up out of the doorway, ensuring they won't see me, but stay close enough to hear their conversation.

"When did you decide to have the surgery? What made you change your mind?" I hear her ask him and I've been curious about this too.

"The day after we kissed, after that night in the kitchen and then in here, you know when we both realized we couldn't... and then go back to pretending like nothing happened," he starts confirming my suspicion that something has been brewing under the radar. "Well, I did a lot of thinking after that and I realized that I have fallen crazy, madly in love twice in my life. Once with you." There's a pause and I know that they've somehow melded even closer together now. "And before you, with piano when I was 8. And I just thought, I can't live without Callie _and_ without piano. And not keyboard with the band, real piano, the way I used to play. And once you're adopted, once we're brother and sister officially, I'll need piano to make me feel alive, to give me a reason to get up in the morning even though we're never going to be together. And I mean I just miss it. I miss it so much. And this, unlike us, is totally in my control and so since there's something I can do about it, I have to do it."

I almost stop breathing for a second as it hits me that this is so much more than the teenage infatuation and hormones that I had labeled them as months back. He's putting her on the same level as piano. With Brandon, that's huge.

It's silent for a moment and then I hear Callie telling him, "Don't worry about tomorrow, ok? This is going to work. Do you know why? Because you deserve to be happy. More than anyone. You deserve to have everything you want. I am so sorry I can't give you everything you want. I want to. And if we met in some other universe where I didn't need your family so much, you know I would... Ok, but this surgery is going to work. Because it has to. And you're going to play again and you're going to blow me away just like you did that first time I heard you in the music room. And that's just what has to happen. So you're going to fight and your hand is going to be better than ever and everything is going to be fine."

And then she murmurs, "You're so brave, do you know that? You amaze me." I realize that she's told him everything I was going to tell him. And then some. He didn't need me tonight. Callie's calmed him down and has him ready for battle tomorrow.

And then I hear him say, "If I'm brave, it's because you made me brave. From the day we met."

It's quiet then and I steal a glance back in and they're hugging each other like the world is ending. They're killing me. Five minutes ago, I was ready to burst into Brandon's room demanding explanations and now they have me almost weeping outside the door.

She is so much like me that it amazes me that we share no DNA. She is already my child, as much as Mariana is or Brandon is- and she owns her own piece of my heart. She is so strong and tough as nails and she just does what needs to be done for the people she cares about. It's why I connected with her that first night when we got Jude out of that hellish house. Brandon needed her tonight and so she put the rules that she's been trying to so hard to follow aside and she gave him what he needed, as much as she possibly could.

And he, again proving that DNA is not all powerful, is so much more like Lena than me or Mike. Thoughtful and passionate and a little idealistic. Always putting others above himself and able to so clearly articulate without hesitation who and what he loves most. She's right- he is brave.

And then it hits me like a mack truck. She's me and he's Lena. They're a perfect match. My daughter and my son.

I didn't see it before. When he angrily declared they were in love after she ran away, I thought okay he is reacting strongly because his parents have never told him he couldn't do something. Because he so rarely tried to do anything but the right thing that would please everyone around him. I thought he was being petulant. And she was a beautiful, broken girl who was clinging to the first boy who made her feel safe and valued. The forbidden aspect made it exciting, dramatic. It seemed like something that should and would fade in a few months time and they convinced us it had.

But it clearly hasn't. They've just tried so damn hard to put themselves into that brother and sister box, to not break rules. It's different, but not so different, from how I fought my feelings for Lena. I was married; I tried to stay in the married box until I couldn't.

They're never going to be brother and sister. This I know after observing them for all of 6 minutes tonight. Even if what they have isn't a forever thing, it's something real and huge for both of them and because of it, they're never going to be able to really be brother and sister. And where does that leave us with this adoption? Robert finally signed the papers...we got them today...

My brain which is racing 100 miles a minute is interrupted when I hear, "I needed this, Callie. So much. Thank you for knowing exactly what I needed. Good night beautiful."

"You're throwing me out?"

"I need to sleep before this surgery tomorrow."

"I know. I can stay just this once. We can just go to sleep together. And I can slip out before anyone wakes up. Just tonight."

"That may be the most tempting offer I've ever received. But then I won't sleep. I'll just watch you sleep. I'll probably start writing a new song in my head about watching you sleep. And that all sounds amazing but just...with the surgery."

"How do you manage to be so sweet even when kicking me out of your bed?"

With that, I tiptoe back to our room before she comes out and trips right over me. There's so much to process, so much to think about, hard conversations to be had. But first, we have to get through this surgery.

I don't sleep a wink that night.

Instead, I just watch Lena.

_The reviews are so appreciated. Please keep them coming. I'm dying to know what you guys thought of this chapter since it was a narrator change. I was back and forth on whether to keep the perspective solely with B&C but I thought it was important to get into Stef's head as she really sees them for the first time. _


	7. Author's Note

No update today but I just needed to thank you for all the amazing feedback, especially on the most recent Stef chapter, which definitely was the most challenging to write but ended up being my personal favorite chapter too.

This is actually the first Fosters fanfic I've ever written, the first multi-chapter fanfic I've ever done ever. And I just discovered the show on a binge marathon a few weeks ago. So the fact that people seem to like my writing and think I have a handle on the characters is SO very lovely to hear.

I really intended for this to be a one or two shot as it basically wrote itself in my head when I watched 2.03 and had major feels when they brought back Outlaws. But your comments made me want to see where I could go with this and I've been loving taking our couple on this ride. I'm not sure exactly where it's going and haven't been for the past 2 chapters (although I have a good idea where we'll end up ;) but your encouraging comments make me excited to figure it out.

XO until next time


	8. Ch 7: You're My Home

**Callie**

Lena decides the best thing is for me, Mariana, Jesus and Jude is to go to school the day of Brandon's surgery since there's nothing we can do while a team of doctors spends hours reconstructing Brandon's hand. I want to protest but I'm afraid I'll burst into tears or something that will totally give away how I really feel so I remain quiet and get in the car.

During a free period, I hole up in the music room. If I can't be close to Brandon, at least I can go somewhere that I feel close to him. I strum on one of the guitars and imagine that he's sitting at the piano and we're playing together, his hand back at 100%. I can hear the music he would make so vividly in my mind.

I'm lost in these thoughts when Wyatt comes into the room and puts his arms around me. I let him hold me and, just for a minute, pretend that it's Brandon's arms around me. But we don't fit together the same way and I find myself totally annoyed that he's interrupting my time with Brandon who isn't even here. And it occurs to me how completely ridiculous that is. He's my boyfriend, I should be happy to see him; I should be taking advantage of this opportunity to sneak in some making out time during school. But the only person I want to sneak kisses with is currently lying on a surgeon's table. And if that's the case, and that is definitely the case, I shouldn't be stringing Wyatt, who has been nothing but good to me, along just because it's impossible for me and Brandon to be together.

He offers to drive me to the hospital after school, saying he knows I'll want to be a good sister and check on Brandon. Lately, Wyatt has been using the brother and sister labels more and more when referring to Brandon and me. It's like he's testing my reaction. I tell him no, that it should just be family, that I'll go with Lena later.

He turns to leave and because I know I'll lose the nerve if I don't do it now, I say, "Wyatt, we can't do this anymore. I do love you; you were my first, well my second, real friend at Anchor Beach. But I'm just not in love with you, I'm sorry. I wanted to be. I tried." And it's true, I did try. "And it's not fair to you, you deserve more than I can give you."

He looks sad, but in no way surprised, and says, "So you're still in love with him?"

Not able to deny it today, I say, "Brandon and I can't be together. Stef and Lena are adopting me. I'm not dumping you to be with him." And all of that is true. It's killing me but it's not a lie.

Maybe because he's hurt, maybe because he's angry, maybe because he thinks it's the truth, he looks at me and says, "This family you want so much, Callie. You're going to screw it all up. You're in love with their son, as much as you try to deny it, and one day this thing with you and him is going to completely blow up because the two of you can't just be smart and let it die. And when it does, it's going to be bad. For you. For him. For Stef & Lena. For Jude." He leaves then and I feel the tears coming and lean against the piano, Brandon's piano, to steady myself.

Somehow I push his words out of my head for the rest of the day. I eat lunch with Mariana; I get through my last 2 classes. I go about seven to eight seconds at a time without worrying about Brandon.

Finally, I find myself in Lena's office at the end of the day and she tells me that Brandon came through the surgery well, that he's sleeping in recovery now. Every cell in my body relaxes hearing that news. We head to the hospital just the two of us as Mariana, Jesus and Jude all have afterschool things and will visit later.

When we get to Brandon's room, I'm surprised to see him sitting up and awake. "It's Callie!," he says way too excitedly. "He's feeling really good with the pain meds and the anesthesia," Mike laughs. I am all of the sudden filled with terror. He's basically high right now and I have no idea what he's going to say or do. "Please God, if you exist, don't let him make any declarations of love with them here," I pray silently.

I go stand by him and attempt to take control of the conversation asking, "How are you feeling?" "Perfect, now," he responds and beams up at me, his smile a combination of pain medication and pure adoration. And I can't help but smile back, he's adorable and it's kind of hilarious, my serious boy all loopy from pain meds. I start to relax for a second.

And then I feel his hand, his good hand, grab my ass.

Stef, Lena and Mike are talking intently about the surgery and don't see it thankfully. I jump about five feet and everyone stares at me. "A bug," I say weakly. Brandon cracks up laughing and I try to glare at him in a way that I hope is non-obvious but will convey that he needs to not do that again.

Mike leaves to get a late lunch for him and Stef. And then a hospital administrator comes in and asks Stef to fill out some paperwork. Lena volunteers to go with her and for just a second, it seems like Stef hesitates as if she's nervous to leave us alone. That must be in my head though; they've left us alone in the house plenty of times lately. I'm just nervous with Brandon acting like a crazy loose cannon.

They leave and I stare at him both amused and still a little horrified. He beams at me with that insane smile again and says, "You're mad. I'm sorry, I just couldn't keep my hands off you. I think you're gotten more beautiful since yesterday. So it's really all your fault, Callie." I shake my head and tell him, "I'm not mad. You just drive me crazy." And that is entirely true.

"If you're not mad, then why are you not in this bed with me?"

"Because they could come back at any second…And we really have to stop…"

"We have at least ten minutes. I think I deserve this after having my hand cut apart and put back together this morning." He attempts to reach for me, bandages and all, "Come here, baby."

And because I can't deny him anything when I look at his hand all bandaged up and swollen and his eyes looking up at me with this combination of puppy dog pleading, glaziness from the drugs and sheer love, I climb in carefully and wrap my arms around him. As soon as I do, I realize holding him is all I've wanted to do all day.

"Kiss me," he says while gazing into my eyes.

"When did you become so demanding?" I whisper as I lean in for a kiss that lasts longer than I plan.

When we break apart, he rests his head on my shoulder. "You're the best sister ever."

"Not funny."

"Come on, it's little funny."

He kisses my nose and then says, "I think you should serenade me."

"You're the singer, B. And the song writer."

"Please. It will make my hand feel better."

"I'm pretty sure the pain meds are doing that right now. What should I sing? Outlaws?"

"No that's my song to you, so only I sing that to you." he says, obviously some sort of drug induced logic.

I think for a second and remember an old Billy Joel song that my mom used to like. And I start to sing.

_When you look into my eyes  
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul  
It always comes as a surprise  
When I feel my withered roots begin to grow  
Well I never had a place that I could call my very own  
That's all right, my love, 'cause you're my home  
When you touch my weary head  
And you tell me everything will be all right  
You say, "Use my body for your bed  
And my love will keep you warm throughout the night"  
Well I'll never be a stranger and I'll never be alone  
Whenever we're together, that's my home_

_Well I never had a place that I could call my very own  
That's all right, my love, 'cause you're my home_

I look at him shyly when I finish the song. He grins sleepily and kisses my hand, "Billy Joel, nice choice."

"Well, you are my piano man. Was it okay?"

Yawning, he responds, "It was perfect. Although I bet the hair model would not approve of you serenading me with one of the piano man's best love songs." He nuzzles my neck, making me shiver.

And even though I probably shouldn't go there right now, because his touch is impairing my ability to think clearly and because I know it will make him happy, I tell him, "I broke up with Wyatt today."

"It's totally because you love me too much. You know you do." He beams yet again but this time drifts right off to sleep.

I kiss his forehead and whisper, "You're right, I do."

_**Reviews continue to be appreciated and adored. I hope you guys liked post surgery Brandon- with all the angst of the past few chapters, I wanted to let Brallie be a little silly and get to just enjoy each other. **_

_**Callie's song was "You're My Home" by Billy Joel**_


	9. Ch 8: Dream Land

**Brandon**

For the past five nights, since I got home from the hospital, Callie and I have fallen asleep in each other's arms. I was pleasantly surprised the first night when she appeared after 1 a.m., crawled into my bed and cuddled up next to me. We didn't really talk- she put a finger to my lips and whispered that I needed to close my eyes and rest. And I complied without question or protest out of fear that she would leave if I didn't.

And for five nights, that's been our routine. She's in by one and out by six fifteen before anyone else wakes up. There's nothing sexual about it, I've snuck in a few little kisses but that's it, and yet, I know it's the most intimate either of us have ever been with anyone.

This morning, for the first time, I wake up before her. And as I open my eyes and become aware of her head lying on my chest and her warm body pressed into mine, I almost want to write Vico a thank you note for this busted hand. I've been waiting to wake up with her since at least the night of Mariana's birthday party and probably even before that.

She starts to stir and then slowly opens and closes her eyes, surprised to see me staring back at her. She's so not a morning person. "Five more minutes?", she yawns into my neck before snuggling closer to me. "Whatever you want, sleeping beauty," I whisper in her ear as I kiss her hair.

I spend those next five minutes (and five is really more like eleven with her) praying one or both the Moms will bust in. Because while that would be an awkward and all around bad scene, I kind of want them to find us. Because if they do then maybe this adoption won't happen. And maybe then we can have more mornings like this where no one needs to sneak out. That's what I want- about a million mornings of rolling on top of her and having morning sex before either one of us is fully awake and talking about our plans for the day and making her pancakes while she looks unintentionally sexy wearing one of my shirts.

And then all of the sudden she's awake and giving me this adorably sleepy smile and I feel horrible for ever wishing we'd get caught. Because what I want doesn't matter, all I want is whatever she wants. And I know what she wants is to be adopted.

She asks me what I dreamed about. I don't share my thoughts of a life of morning sex and pillow talk and pancakes. "Playing again, the way I used to." That's a safe answer. When I feel her cuddle even closer, I add, "With you accompanying on guitar, of course." The words aren't even out before my lips are crashing onto hers.

We break apart and she gets up to leave. And even though it kills me, I find myself saying, "I've loved our sleepovers. You have no idea how much. But maybe, now that I'm feeling a little better, it's time to go back to normal." And she says, much more quickly than I hoped, "You're right, we're pressing our luck- it's been five days without getting caught."

No, I think, you've missed the whole point. It's because the more nights I spend with you, the harder it's going to be to sleep without you next to me ever again. But I don't tell her that, instead I just kiss her forehead before she slips out the door.

That afternoon, I'm in the car with Mom on my way to my first physical therapy appointment. After a few minutes of small talk, I ask her about the status of Callie's adoption, which really has been the most dragged our process ever.

She looks at me, as if she's searching my face for something, before saying, "Well Robert only just signed the papers. And we've been focused on the surgery."

"Well the surgery's over. I'm starting therapy, there's no reason to hold it up further. Callie's been waiting forever."

And then Mom takes a sharp breath as she parks in the physical therapist's lot.

"Brandon, can we really go through with this adoption? You and Callie…."

"That's long over."

She looks at me. She knows, I realize. We've been so careful but somewhere, somehow we slipped up.

"The night before the surgery. I was going to check on you and your door was cracked and I saw the two of you. Holding each other, comforting each other. And if you're going to tell me that she was just being a good sister, just don't. B, you love Callie. What you said all those months ago, it was true then and it was true now. And I think she loves you. So how can we make the two of you legally siblings? You can't want that."

She's not even mad. She just gets it. I love Callie, I have from almost the beginning and I still do now. More now. It's out. There's no going back. I should be thrilled.

But instead, I see Callie sobbing in my mom's arms at my grandpa's funeral. And telling me that she loved me but that she needed a family. And how we were her family.

A wave of extreme protectiveness comes over me and I hear myself saying, "You are not cancelling this adoption. You will break her heart. Okay, it was her choice and she picked our family. She picked being adopted. She needs a family- our family. So what I want…I want what she wants. Ok I'll deal with it- we'll be brother and sister. I'll be fine."

Mom puts her hand over my good one, "B, we love Callie. Ok a piece of paper- it isn't going to change that. But that piece of paper will change things for the two of you. Forever. And Lena and I- we've talked, we don't see how we can go forward knowing there are strong feelings for both of you. It has nothing to do with how much we love Callie."

"Ok so you love her but you're going to send her away? Away from us? From JUDE? To Robert's? She doesn't even know him. Back into the system? Because that isn't happening."

"Brandon, I didn't say…."

I find myself getting angrier and angrier, not really at Mom but at this whole shitty situation. "She won't see it like that, okay? I know her. She will see you guys not going through with the adoption as someone rejecting her, not wanting her. Again. And she's had way too much of that. She will feel abandoned. Again. We can't do that. I'm not letting you do that."

I look at Mom and realize I'm starting to get through to her.

And then I look at the floor of the car, "We haven't had sex, okay. If that's- incest or whatever- is an issue, it's never happened. And it will never happen. Brother and sister, I get it." Saying this to my mother should be awkward but I'm too upset to even be uncomfortable. It's not even the sex thing- although the thought of never being with her kills me. But what really angers me is that anyone might think there's something dirty or wrong about the way I feel about Callie. Because that couldn't be further from the truth.

I look at Mom again, "What you saw the night before the surgery was a slip-up. I was scared to death. She was trying to help and she did. Before that, there was no sneaking around, we both understand this adoption and what it means for whatever feelings we have." I don't add that we've been sharing a bed for the past five days. I'm not sure how I could characterize that. "So there's no reason not to go forward on the adoption. It's what Callie wants. It's what you and Lena want. And Jude. And it's what I want."

I take a breath and my voice rises a little more than I mean for it to as I say, "And Mom I love you but if you tell Callie that she can't be part of our family, the thing she wants more than anything...and you tell her it's because of me, I swear I will never ever forgive you. Never. I mean it. So call whoever you need to call and just make this happen for her. Soon."

I go to my therapy session. Mom and I don't talk on the way home until we pull up in the driveway when she tells me, "I spoke to Lena during your session. We're going to go ahead and refile the adoption papers with Robert's waiver. But Brandon, what you said is true, this adoption will make you and Callie legal siblings. Permanently."

I kiss Mom's cheek, "I want Callie to be part of this family permanently." And I do.

I head inside while she goes to run another errand. I find Callie sleeping on the couch with her homework on top of her. I remove her book and carefully cover her with her favorite throw blanket, brushing the hair out of her face. She smiles in her sleep and I wonder if in her dream land, we get to have morning sex and pillow talk and pancakes every day.


	10. Author Note 2

A few things since I've gotten some questions

I've opted to just not have the Brandon/Dani thing in this universe because quite frankly, I dislike it and Brallie has enough crap to deal with.

For those of you who are mad at Brandon after the last chapter, it's only because he loves her. One of the overarching things I've had in my head while writing this story is the "You deserve to be happy. You deserve everything you want." And this last chapter was, at least in my head, a call back to that.

Deep breaths and patience grasshoppers. I'll have another chapter up this weekend. We are getting there. Your reviews continue to be humbling and wonderful. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story.


	11. Ch 9: Pretty Damn Amazing

**Callie**

The adoption is scheduled, like officially on the calendar scheduled. This day that I've been waiting months for, years for. I should be excited. I am excited. But I kind of want these next few days to slow down. I want to savor this time where I am totally a member of the family but not his sister. This time where there's still a possibility.

Except there's not much to savor because Brandon will barely make eye contact with me. We got so close right before and right after his surgery but lately he's pulled back. He's actually pulled totally away. And I know he's doing it for me, because I've told him it's what I want. But I know he's also putting up walls to protect himself for once the adoption goes through. And that part really kills me. He's knocked down all my walls; I've caused him to build his own.

But the thing is, the more he pulls away from me, the more I'm confused about what I want. I've started having these crazy fantasies of going downstairs for breakfast and kissing him with tongue at the table with everyone there watching so that everyone will know, so that Stef and Lena will make the decision for us. I lie in bed at night and imagine all the songs he would write for me, the tiny little Christmas tree we'd have in our first apartment, the gorgeous, musical children we could make. If everything were different.

And I imagine sex with him. A lot. After Liam, I never thought I'd want to be with any man. I thought he had broken me permanently. And I know now that's not the case. Because lately all I can think about is Brandon. Under me. On top of me. Inside me.

Taking this step with anyone for the first time terrifies me. I tried with Wyatt. I never could. I'm only going to get one real first time- the first time after the rape. And I know it needs to be with him.

So, even though he's told me that our sleepovers needed to stop, I find myself once again in his room after everyone has fallen asleep. I snuggle into his arms and start kissing him awake. It takes all of seventeen seconds before I feel him returning the kisses and starting to get hard as I press against him.

He pulls back from the kiss, now wide awake, but he doesn't let go of me. "Callie, what are you?... You're getting adopted in three days. I thought we said no more sleepovers," he whispers. I whisper back directly into his ear, "Well, I'm not here to sleep." And then summoning nerve I didn't know I possessed, I let my hand graze over his erection which is now rock hard.

I see the total disbelief in his eyes as he gets it. What I'm suggesting. What I'm pretty much demanding. He's been told no,that we can't, that it will ruin everything, for so long that he doesn't trust this, doesn't think it's real.

"How can we do this? How can we do this and then pretend? How can we do this when you're getting adopted in three freaking days?" he asks with a hint of desperation in his voice. Like he's hoping I actually have the answer.

I don't have an answer to his questions but I knew he would ask them and I do have a response ready. "How can we go the rest of our lives and never be together? Really together. Is that you want? To never know what it feels like?"

As soon as I say this, something changes. The confusion, the distrust, the questions in his eyes turn to something raw and primal. He pushes me down gently but forcefully and climbs on top of me. Our eyes lock and I realize we have an understanding. We're going to have sex like it's our last night on earth. Because for us, it basically is.

He's always trying to please everyone and he's exactly the same in bed. He thinks of everything, he touches me everywhere. All those hours of piano pay off in the most unexpected and amazing ways all over my body.

He drags the foreplay out so long that I wonder if we're ever getting to the main event. Not that I'm complaining because I pretty much never want this to end and I love that he's savoring me like I'm the last two bites of dessert that he's going to have for the rest of his life. He asks one last time if I'm sure.

And when he is finally inside me, I want to cry, not out of pain- there's a little of that but he's being so very gentle- but because I know that at some point, it's going to end. And I don't want that because I love being this close to him, practically melting into him. All I've wanted since our knees brushed on the bus what feels like a lifetime ago and neither of us made any effort to move away is to be this close to him.

I'm not sure where this falls on the actual scale of amazing sex. I've heard the crazy amazing sex with insane orgasms comes later- with practice- and I have nothing to compare it to. I'm not screaming or thrashing or rocking the house. But I do like rocking back and forth with Brandon pushing deeper and deeper inside me. In fact, I like this feeling, this feeling of us, more than I've ever liked anything. He whispers at me to look at him and I open my eyes and see him staring back at me with the most amazing combination of awe and love. And for the first time in my life, I feel truly beautiful.

It's pretty damn amazing.


	12. Chapter 10: Everything I Need to Know

**Brandon**

As I watch her sleep in my arms, a million thoughts go through my head. How beautiful she is without knowing it. How all those clichés about sex being better when you're in love are actually completely true. How much I want to be inside her again. How I would do anything for her, follow her anywhere. Really, me following her has been our whole relationship. And even though it may not sound very manly or whatever, it's fine with me because it got us to this night.

I've been following her lead since the day we met. First into that awful foster home to get Jude. Then when she said for the first time that we couldn't be together, I backed off like she wanted.

And then she led me into our garden at the wedding. She kissed me first.

I followed her to Girls United. I waited outside until she ran out the door and practically flung herself into my arms. She took the guitar out of my hands at Daphne's and climbed on top of me. And I followed her lead when she said she needed a family, not a boyfriend even though I had no idea where that left me- not her boyfriend, definitely not her brother.

She came to me the night I sang Outlaws with the band. And the night before my surgery.

I never once pushed the sex thing. I've never even said the word to her since she told me about Liam. I waited, God I've been waiting for what feels like forever for this night, for her to tell me she wanted us to be this close. I would have waited a million more days. And when she was ready, she climbed right into my bed and let me know without a word.

I took all my cues from her tonight- I let her take her own clothes off (which was not entirely to be a gentleman because watching her strip them off and knowing it was because she wanted to get naked for me, with me was maybe the hottest experience of my life...until a few minutes later). I made every move based on how she was responding. And after we were done, I just held her until she guided me back inside her two more times. And then she shocked me by cuddling up next to me wearing my shirt and falling sound asleep instead of sneaking back to her room.

I have no idea what's going to happen from here. How this will play out with the Moms and the adoption. But I know tonight isn't the last time for us. Maybe she'll call off the adoption. Maybe she won't and we'll sneak around forever. Maybe we'll run away to Mexico. It really doesn't matter. I'd follow this girl off a cliff as long as I got to hold her hand while we jumped.

The one thing I've realized tonight, finally, is that she comes back to me. She may try to fight it, she may tell me no but eventually she reaches out. Because she does care. She does want me too. She loves me too.

It took me a lot of following her to realize this. I spent so many nights thinking I cared so much more, wanted us more, loved her more than she loved me. But what I've realized is that it's none of that, it's just that I can't push her. She spent so many years in the system being shuffled around, being told where to go, what she was doing next. I need to let her be in charge of this because having control of her life is huge for her. But the thing I see now is that when I let her take the lead, when she's ready, she always leads herself right back to me. And that's all, that's everything I need to know.

The best night of my life is followed by the best sleep of my life.

**This chapter is basically my answer to everyone who says that Brandon's always been more into Callie and that she's over him. Hope you liked it. Please keep reviewing- I loooooooove the comments and knowing you guys are enjoying the story. xoxo until next time. **


	13. Ch 11: Maybe Everything

**Callie**

There's something so liberating about waking up in his bed the morning after. As a foster kid, I felt like I had no control of my life. After everything with Liam, I felt like I didn't even have control of my body. But last night I made a choice- not because someone made it for me, not for Jude, not because I was forced. I was finally in control of my life and my body again and I made the choice to let myself be completely his. At least for the night.

I wiggle out from underneath his arm and look at him sleeping next to me. And I surprise myself when my eyes well with tears. After the rape, I saw sex as something horrific and scary, the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I felt violated and numb and I didn't think I would ever find a way out of the pain and the shame. But then one day I walked into Stef and Lena's kitchen and there he was looking at me with so much kindness in his eyes. And slowly but surely, he moved me past that shame and fear all the way to here...a place where sex is good and pure and safe and warm. I've never felt more safe in my life than when I was wrapped up in his arms as he made love to me. I've always rolled my eyes at that expression- "making love." It sounded like something cheesy from one of stupid foster mother's soaps. But I can't think of any better expression for what happened in his bed last night. He loved me. All of me. All night. And I loved him right back. Or at least I hope he felt it too.

He pulls me back toward him without even opening his eyes. And then he gives me the blissful Cheshire cat grin of a guy who just got laid three times last night. I want to straddle him and go for four. But we've cut it super close and everyone is either up or about to be.

"No regrets?" he whispers, still beaming. And I know he knows the answer. "Not one," I say before kissing him hard on the mouth. It doesn't even occur to me to worry that we haven't even brushed our teeth . And I mean it, I don't regret being with him. It's probably going to blow up our lives within the next 24 hours. But I can't bring myself to feel bad about something that was exactly what we've both wanted, both needed for so long.

I want to stay forever but I throw my pajamas back on, kiss him one more time and bolt carefully down the hall.

Generally when I slip back in to my room after being with Brandon, Mariana is still softly snoring. This morning she's looking right at me from her mirror as I walk in the door. I don't know what to say so I say nothing. She takes the lead and says, "You're going to get caught if you keep doing this. Okay, I know there's always been something between you guys. I see the way he looks at you. It's not like a sister. I know how he looks at me- his sister. It's way different. But is it really worth maybe not getting adopted just so you can keep hooking up with Brandon?"

"I..." I really have no idea what to say. That I don't know if it's worth it? Maybe? I thought I needed a family more than a boyfriend? But he's way more than just some teenage boyfriend. And I do need him...too. And not as my brother. So I say the only thing that I know is true. "I love him and...I love being part of this family...and I really don't know what to do."

"Wait you LOVE him?" Her whole demeanor changes. Mariana _loves_ love. I know this from her collections of romance novels and pop ballads and her devotion to various teen soaps. I can almost see hearts and wedding bells forming in her eyes. I decide to take advantage of this and feel her out.

"Yes. I love Brandon. I'm in love with Brandon." It's the first time I've said that to...anyone besides Brandon himself. And I find that I like saying it, that finally telling someone feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. And then I ask, "Is that like weird or gross for you? Do you hate me?"

She thinks for a minute, "Well first, the thought of him having sex with anyone is gross. It will never not be gross. Even if like you guys get married. And yes it's weird. You live here, you're like my sister. You are my sister. And he's my brother. But I don't think it's ever been that way for you guys so I mean I get how...it could have happened. And I love you both so I obviously don't hate you." She sighs, "I want you both happy. And both of you haven't been. Not really. So I guess my answer is you guys should go for it? Oh but wait what if you break up?"

She thinks for another minute, "Well if you break up, I'll be on your side and Jesus can take his. That's fair." I want to throw my arms around her because of the sheer ridiculousness of her twin logic that is bringing some much needed lightness to this conversation. And then she hits me with, "So you need to tell Moms."

"I hate sneaking around. I hate feeling like I'm betraying their trust. But I don't want to get sent away. I love it here." And there it is. My big fear. I finally found a home. I'm not sure I can leave it. As much as I love him. On the flip side, I also can't be his sister. Not really. Not when I can't imagine never making love to him again.

"They won't. They love you."

"But they'll have to. They won't adopt me."

"Well...I don't know. But that doesn't mean we'd just send you away. I mean they couldn't do that to Jude. Have some faith, talk to them. The thing about secrets in this house is it's always so much worse when they explode. Trust me I know. And this one is pretty explosive. So just go to them. Tell them you love him, tell them it's real, tell them you tried but there's no fighting it. They of all people should understand. Things...will work out." She says this with the conviction of someone who has watched one too many ABC Family movies and believes in fairytales.

Have faith that things will work out? I'm the girl who has no faith in anything going my way. Because so much hasn't. Well until I got here. I didn't think I could trust anyone but Jude but I learned I could. I didn't think I could let anyone love me after what Liam did but then I found love with Brandon. Or love found us. I don't know. So maybe I should have some faith. Maybe it can all work out. Maybe everything.

I turn to give Mariana a hug when I see Jude in the doorway. His mouth is open and I can see the hurt in his eyes. And I know instantly that he's heard all of it.

I say his name with just the slightest hint of panic in my voice and he turns and walks out the door. I go to follow him to his room so we can talk but he's headed the other way to the kitchen where Stef and Lena are already having coffee.


	14. Ch 12: Last Night Happened

Callie

I follow Jude out of our room and down the hall. I call his name three times but he just heads down the stairs. Like I'm invisible.

This is exactly what I expected would happen. Brandon and I get a perfect night but now it's all blowing up before breakfast.

Brandon hears me calling Jude and comes out of his room. "What happened?" he says placing his hand on my lower back. I jump away from his touch and give him a sharp look. "Not here Brandon," I say through gritted teeth. And I can see instantly that I've hurt him. And it's not fair, I've spent the past several hours unable to get enough of him, practically begging him to devour me over and over and now I'm flinching at his touch, pulling back from him.

"I'm sorry," I say taking his hand and stroking it with my thumb as a peace offering. He doesn't deserve this, he deserves someone who could it be so much easier with. "Jude heard me telling Mariana. And now he won't look at me and he's going to tell Moms. I've hurt him again Brandon. _Again_."

"You told Mariana? I'm going to go downstairs and ask Mariana to pass the orange juice and she's going to be looking at me knowing we just had sex? Oh that's weird Callie. I mean it's fine but it's weird." And I almost want to laugh at how uncomfortable he looks especially because Mariana is absolutely the least of our problems.

"Well I didn't exactly give her a play by play. But I think she knows I haven't been in here night after night playing heated late night Monopoly tournaments . . .But seriously Brandon, what are we going to do if Jude is down there telling Moms?"

He looks at the floor. "Well, Mom knows. So Lena probably knows. And I told her a few weeks ago that if she made an issue out of it and stopped the adoption that I'd never forgive her."

I feel like the room is now starting to spin. "Why, why didn't you tell me that Stef knew? How could you not tell me?" I have so many questions and we have no time for any of them.

"I just wanted you to be adopted like you wanted. I didn't want to upset you. I want you happy Callie. That's always been the most important thing to me."

I didn't think it was possible to love him more than I did when I woke up in his arms this morning. But I do now. He told Stef to adopt me when he had an out, a way to ensure we wouldn't end up brother and sister, a way to get what he's wanted for so long. And somehow he pled my case so convincingly that he got Stef on board.

"You..." And the tears are starting to form. "You...overwhelm me, Brandon," I whisper, "in the best possible way." I want to reach up and kiss him. But there's no time. "But now I have to get to Jude. Okay, I have to make things right with him."

I turn to head down the stairs when he pulls me, gently but forcefully, back toward him.

"Last night happened Callie. Okay it happened. No regrets right? So promise me that whatever is next, we'll deal with it together?" I can almost hear his heart pounding through his chest.

But I'm not sure what I can promise him. I want to be part of this family. I want that so much. But more and more I've realized that I need Brandon, not just have him in my life, but I need to be with Brandon. And so if being with him means I can't be Stef and Lena's daughter, then maybe that's just something I have to accept. Except Jude is a part of this family. And so I need to stay part of this family too. He needs me, I need him. We promised we would never separate from each other. God knows he was cute and little and probably would have been adopted a long time ago if he wasn't stuck tethered to me. And so I owe him. I can't just leave or get myself thrown out when he's never left me.

So I give Brandon what I can without lying or making promises I might not keep, "No regrets because I have never ever felt safer or more loved than I did last night. It was amazing. Last night happened, B- it was real. And no matter what, I'm so happy it did."

He pulls me close so that our faces are inches apart. "Me too, ok? All of that is the same for me too. Tell me there will be more times. Where we're that happy together again. Even if it's not tomorrow or next week or the week after. I need you to tell me that's not all we get."

I close my eyes. "I really hope not." I give him little butterfly kisses as I breathe the words into his ear.

And even though part of me wants to take him and climb out the window and run as far as we can, I'm not that girl anymore. So I take a deep breath and head down the stairs, knowing that the next conversation will probably change the rest of all of our lives.

**Brandon**

I'm scared.

After last night, I thought she might fight for us. And I think if it were as simple as the Moms or me, she'd probably pick me.

But now Jude is involved. And if he tells her he's not okay with us, that he wants her to be adopted, that he wants us all to be brothers and sisters, any hope of a real future for us, one that is more than sneaking around in the dark, will be done. I know her so well and so I know this.

The Callie and Jude thing, I understand it to a point, but everyone, even me, even the Moms, will always be on the outside looking in when it comes to them. They're like two people who were in combat- no one who wasn't there will ever fully understand what they experienced together. What I see is a girl who sacrificed, who took care of her little brother, who did whatever she had to do for him. But I know she feels like she owes him for getting them stuck in bad situations. And maybe she does for some things although I even know Jude doesn't see it that way.

And I know that Jude loves her more than anything. That he wants her happy. It's what we have in common. But he's also young and I don't know how he'll react to something that he feels like could threaten her adoption, take her away from him- even if that's not how it would really happen.

And while I don't think she would, I don't even think I'd want her to pick me over Jude. A rift between them would ruin her. Absolutely kill her. And I couldn't live knowing I was the cause of any more pain for her, let alone that pain.

Mariana appears then and squeezes my shoulder. And I realize that her knowing about this thing with me and Callie isn't actually that weird. It's kind of nice to feel like someone is maybe in our corner. She smiles at me, "I'm glad about this. When she first came, I was worried she was becoming your new favorite sister. I thought I was being replaced. I much prefer knowing it was only because you wanted to sleep with her."

I laugh, relaxing for a second, and put my arm around her, "You are my favorite and more importantly my one and only sister. Forever...I guess we should go down there?"

"If the Moms get crazy, I can make a fake announcement that I am pregnant to deflect everyone's rage off you."

"I really hope it doesn't come to that..."

"Me either."


	15. Ch 13: Tell the Truth

**Stef**

I realize that I've majorly screwed up in not telling Lena about Callie and Brandon when both of them appear at the breakfast table a few days before adoption day looking like someone died.

I had every intention of telling her once the surgery was over. But she was still struggling with grief from losing the baby and I just couldn't find the right time to tell her news that would jeopardize making Callie our child, at least legally. And then Brandon told me he'd never forgive me if I so much as broached the issue with Callie.

So I told myself that they'd made a mature decision to end it (again) and that we could adopt her and that Lena didn't need to be upset about this. And even though I knew this was all bullshit, I talked myself into it. The status quo. Because until a few weeks ago, the status quo in our house had seemed pretty damn perfect. Why upset it when they aren't forcing the issue? It was what we all agreed to when she started living with us again.

But I don't think we're going to get through adoption day without all of this blowing up. Looking at their faces, I don't think we're going to get through breakfast.

**Brandon**

Mariana and I take our seats at the table right as Lena asks Callie about whether she wants a new dress for "Adoption Day." And the selfish part of me wants to cut her off right there and tell her, "You can't adopt her because earlier this morning, I was fucking her upstairs while all of you slept." But I don't. For her.

I focus intently on my cantaloupe so I don't have to hear about this dress that she's going to wear on the day when Mom and Lena make her my legal sister while I stand in the courtroom with a forced smile thinking about how much I want to take her home to my bed and rip it off her.

I'm engrossed in taking all my frustration out on this cantaloupe when I hear her sobbing. Full blown sobbing into her own cantaloupe.

It kills me to see her in pain. I've had this overwhelming urge to protect her from the first time I saw her but it's increased a million times over with the events of last night. All I want to do in that second is wrap up her up in my arms and fix this. Except I can't fix this because I'm the reason she's having this nervous breakdown during what would otherwise be a nice family breakfast.

And she looks at me for a second like she wants me to do something. And I do want to do something. I hope she knows that I would do anything if I knew what the right something was. But I have no idea what she wants so I'm paralyzed. I don't want to go left if she wants to go right.

And if I go the wrong way on this, there's no going back.

**Callie**

I don't know why but Lena bringing up a new dress for adoption day just opens the floodgates. I'm crying about nothing specifically but absolutely everything. How much I love Stef and Lena. How grateful I am that they've opened their home and want to make me their daughter. How Jude probably hates me. How I just had my real first time and how Brandon squeezed my hand and brushed the hair out of my face and how it was so so different from that awful night with Liam. How I'm falling deeper and deeper in love every day with the green eyed boy who is sitting across from me with a look of abject terror on his face. How I don't want to hurt him. How I don't want to hurt them. Or Jude. How for once, just once, I wish things could be easy for me.

Lena asks me why I'm crying, then she asks everyone else when I don't answer. And I assume that Brandon will finally talk. Or that Mariana will start going on and on about love.

And then I feel Jude squeeze my hand and say, "Because she's in love with Brandon. So we can't adopt her. Or else she'll just end up running away again."

**Jude**

I'm not mad at Callie for loving Brandon. I've known all along that something was going on again with them. I can read my sister like a book and I knew from the night of that party that something was up. And I'm also the most observant person in the house by far. So I've seen how their eyes are always on each other. How he'll go out of his way to brush into her for a second. How she lets him. How she's magically become someone who rises before dawn. So what I heard in Mariana's room was nothing I didn't know.

I'm mad at her because we made a pact years ago when we first went into foster care that we would tell each other everything, that we would have no secrets from each other. But the thing is Callie has never kept that promise. Instead, she keeps things from me to try to protect me. But all that ends up doing is making everything worse when her secrets come out and she panics and then she pushes away everyone before we can help her. And I'm just so tired of her doing this especially now that we actually have a family who loves us.

Things have changed so much since I saw them kissing at the wedding. I know that this is more than just some stupid crush Callie has. They love each other. I saw how much of a wreck Callie was the day of his surgery. I heard her telling Mariana this morning that they're in love. And Brandon really cares about her. He stepped aside before when she said she wanted to be adopted even though she pretty much broke his heart. He's been going along with this whole adoption plan when he could have stopped it at any point just to make her happy. He's good to her and he's good for her.

I also know that the Moms aren't going to throw us out. They can't throw me out, I'm adopted. And they'll keep Callie too. I know they will. They might be mad about the sneaking around but they'll find a way if she would just talk to them. They know better than anyone that you can't help who you fall in love with.

Except she won't. Because she thinks she's protecting me or maybe them. Or because she thinks she isn't good enough for Brandon, that she's made his life harder. Because she doesn't realize that good stuff can happen for her.

Callie's done some dumb stuff but she's also the best sister in the world. Since she was ten, she's been putting me before her. She took care of me. Always. So I'm going to do what I know she won't do. And what I know Brandon won't do because he thinks she doesn't want him to. I'm going to tell the truth. I'm going to take care of Callie for once. I'm going to make sure she gets a chance to be happy.

I squeeze her hand as I start to talk.


	16. Chapter 14: Exhale

**Callie**

I miss most of what Jude says after I hear him telling Lena and Stef about me and Brandon. But it's typical Jude. He doesn't use a million words. But the ones he chooses are powerful and to the point.

My first instinct is to deny it. Damage control. Tell them Jude was confused. Brandon and I ended it forever ago. Of course I want to be adopted. It's all I've wanted.

And then I steal a glance at the guy who I woke up next to this morning, who spent the entire night making me feel safe and beautiful and wanted and loved and special, all things I never thought were possible for me. I remember how we met at this same table. How I wanted to hate him because as a foster kid, I was trained to instantly have my guard up around the bio kids, the "real" kids, especially after Liam. But instead how I found myself trusting him instantly because his eyes were so kind. I see those same eyes looking back at me with so much hope. Like this is our chance.

And I realize I don't want to deny what I feel for him. Not ever again. This is our chance. The truth is I was never going to find the words to tell the Moms. He was never going to go against what he thought I wanted. But Jude opened the door for us. And even though it's going to be hard, I need to kick this door in so that there's no going back.

So I swallow hard and then I look at the floor. It's too hard to look at anyone right now. "What Jude said...is true. I...I love Brandon. And I have tried so hard, harder than you guys can imagine, not to. Because I wanted to be your daughter. And to really be a member of this family. But I just...I've realized it's not possible for me to not love him. And even though I didn't want it to mean that I couldn't get adopted, what I've been realizing lately is that I think it does. I'm sorry, I hope you don't hate me. I can pack up all my stuff today." I try and fail to choke back a sob.

And then I feel Stef's arms around me and then Lena's. Lena, who seemed way more surprised initially but is calm now, forces me to look up at her, and tells me, "Callie, you already are our daughter. You already are an important part of this family. We're disappointed about the adoption of course but it needs to be your choice. And you've obviously given a lot of thought to what you're giving up and what you're gaining."

Stef continues, "We're not happy you've been sneaking around but I also know the two of you really tried to be brother and sister. And maybe, maybe we should have seen that that just wasn't a realistic expectation. But we were so worried when you ran away last time. We love you so much that we wanted to wave a magic wand over the two of you and make you nothing more than siblings so that we could adopt you. But there are no such thing as magic wands, right love? And you know what? That' s okay." When I realize she means it, I cry even harder than before.

The next two hours are a blur. Jude, Mariana and Jesus are sent upstairs. Stef and Lena do most of the talking. Brandon barely speaks a word.

I just do a lot of agreeing. Brandon does a lot of nodding. There will be no adoption. Stef and Lena will petition the courts for guardianship. I won't be in the foster system. Brandon and I won't flaunt our relationship until we're eighteen so the State won't have any reason to question the placement.

I'll live here, with my Jude, in my room with Mariana, the sister I never knew I wanted but now need. But I'll spend more time with Robert and the Quinns, Brandon will spend some more time at Mike's. Brandon and I will live together but this way it won't be like we're _living together_ at sixteen. We'll abide by house rules about boyfriends and girlfriends- no closed doors, no sharing beds, no making everyone uncomfortable with PDA. I'm too stunned to laugh when Stef says, "I'm sure you'll find ways to break these rules but we plan to make it pretty challenging."

The last thing they talk about is that, adoption or not, we're all a family. Forever. And that it will stay that way if Brandon and I break up so we would have to find a way to coexist in the family if that happens. I don't know what to say. I've barely wrapped my head around the fact that Brandon and I are going to actually be a couple so fast forwarding to our potential breakup is just a lot to process.

But I don't have to say anything because Brandon finds his voice.

"That's not going to be an issue, Mom. Callie and I aren't going to break up."

Stef looks at him quizzically, "I know you feel that way now. But you're very young and the future holds who knows what and I just want to make it clear that even if one day you decide you're not together, nobody leaves this family."

But he's adamant. "Callie and I have spent the past almost year miserable without each other. Okay and for a long time, we never thought we'd ever get to be together. So now that we do, we're not going to just waste it. We're going to fight, and we're going to have bad times but we're also going to fight for us. I'm not letting Callie give up being adopted just so that in two years or two months or ten years, I get bored or find someone else or fall out of love or anything. It's not going to happen. And I don't plan to let her fall out of love with me. So you can stop worrying about awkward holidays because we'll be here for all of them. Together."

His speech leaves me speechless. His speeches have this tendency to do that. But I look at him, really hold his gaze, for the first time since we were in bed together this morning which now feels like a million years ago. And I hope that my eyes tell him everything he needs to know. That I don't question his commitment to us, that he shouldn't question mine, that I can't picture a day when I won't be in love with him, that there is nothing that we can't get through.

Lena and Stef head upstairs then to go talk with Jude, go over what me not being adopted means exactly.

"So, we're really going to do this?" I ask almost shyly.

"I think I just agreed to pretty much be stuck with you. I should have probably asked first if you can make anything besides biscuits and gravy."

I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck. And I realize that it's fitting that we're here in the kitchen where I first saw him. Where I told him about my mom, the first time I had talked about her in years. Where he stroked my hair for the first time and we almost kissed. Where he told me that he cared, that he wanted me, that he was dying to reach out for me and I realized that I still felt exactly the same way.

He lifts me up ever so slightly off the ground for a kiss. I didn't think our first kiss could ever be topped. And it was amazing. But this is better. Because this time there's no part of me that wants to pull back, no part of me that's terrified someone will see, no voice in my head saying you shouldn't be doing this or this could ruin everything. The only voice in my head is saying, "I care about you, I want you, I'm dying to reach out for you" over and over. Only this time, it's followed by "I love you."

And when we stop kissing, for once I don't feel afraid or sad that it could be our last kiss. Because now I finally know that there's going to be a million more.

I lean in closer to him and against his neck, I exhale, really exhale, for the first time in months.

_**A 2 part epilogue will be up soon. Thank you so much all the wonderful reviews- I'm excited to see what you thought of this chapter. This was supposed to be nothing more than a One or Twoshot dealing with Callie's feelings after hearing Outlaws again but you guys convinced me that it was worth continuing and I've loved getting Brallie back to where we all want them. **_


	17. Epilogue- Part I

_Five Years Later_

_**Brandon**_

That morning in the kitchen feels like a lifetime ago but I can still remember how I felt like it was yesterday. How I couldn't believe that after everything Jude was the one who gave Callie the push she needed toward me. How it took my breath away that she agreed to give up being adopted so that she could love me. How I made an unspoken promise that morning that I would make it up to her by making her part of our family legally. One day.

It was weird initially with the family. Because it was uncharted territory for all of us. Callie felt almost, I think, guilty every time I held her hand in front of the Moms. And there was the fateful day that my hand finally felt normal again and we ended up having sex right on the piano in the living room with the keys banging below us. I convinced her no one was home and then Jesus and Jude walked in and she didn't speak to me for like 3 days over the whole thing. We stuck to locked doors after that.

But then one day, after a few months, it just stopped being weird. We were cuddling on the couch watching a movie with everyone and the Moms were rolling their eyes and calling us lovebirds and Jesus was making gagging sounds and Mariana was telling him to shut up because we were cute. And I realized this had become our family's normal. All of us together. And me and Callie in love. It never had to be one or the other. And it might not have been conventional but nothing about this family ever had been even way before Callie came into our lives.

All our time apart made being separated seem more doable when I went to Julliard and she decided to stay in San Diego and take classes. I understood. After waiting forever to find her family, she wasn't ready to leave yet.

When she joined me in New York two years later with a plan to major in social work, I told her it was the beginning of our happily ever after. And she promptly reminded me happily ever after was something that only existed in fairytales but that I made her happy and that that was enough. That's how we've been from day one- she smacks me down to reality, I make her see that reality can be a pretty nice place.

Eventually, we found ourselves back in San Diego. I'm playing with the real- not junior- symphony and have become a pretty in demand piano teacher. She's on staff full time at the San Diego Rape Crisis Center while she goes for a Master's in counseling. I was opposed at first to her making that her career. I hated the idea that she'd have to relive what Liam did to her every day. I thought it would be bad for her emotionally, and more selfishly, bad for us as a couple. But after a few intense arguments, I came to realize that doing this work allowed her to take control of what had happened to her and that it was exactly the kind of work she needed to be doing.

The Moms were careful not to ever mention the "M" word around us even though I knew they'd been curious when it would happen. Mariana, on the other hand, sent me text messages about it once a week for about six months. I sent the same response each time, "When she's ready, I'll know." Because that's what I was waiting for. Even though guys are usually the ones dragging their feet, the truth is I knew I wanted to marry her when we were sixteen.

And when I'm sitting next to her at Jude's graduation, I realize it's time. They call his whole name Jude Jacob Adams Fosters- and I see the pride and love in her eyes. But there's also something else, a wistfulness. And I know what she's thinking- that she's not a Foster, not officially. That she's the only one sitting in this row where we're all cheering for Jude like crazy people who isn't legally a member of this family. It doesn't matter of course, she's family to all of us. But it matters to her. And I know in that second that it's finally time to fix that.

So I spend the next week thinking up the perfect speech for when I'll ask her to officially, finally become a member of our crazy family and start a little family with me. When she gets home from work, the apartment is filled with candles and I'm playing an original piece that I wrote for her. It's not Outlaws. That song will always be ours, a special part of our history. But our story has evolved way beyond two teenage outlaws sneaking around to be together. There's no words to this one. Just music.

I finish the piece, get up from the piano and make my way toward her. Before I even start speaking, she throws her arms around me.

"Yes." She knows.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Brandon Foster, I'll marry you"

"I didn't even ask yet. You haven't even heard my speech," I tease. And I'm mildly disappointed that she didn't let me give my perfect proposal speech. Because it's really good.

"I've heard plenty of your speeches. I know how you feel. I know how I feel. And I know my answer. Yes." she smiles. "So let's skip the speech, call the various family members who are going to want to congratulate us one by one and then. . . ," she pulls me into a passionate kiss, "we can celebrate privately."

I think back to those early days when she was always telling me no, that we couldn't. And I decide to just shut up for once and take this yes.

Because I have the rest of my life to remind her how I feel about her.

_The second half of the epilogue will be up soon!_


	18. Epilogue: Part II

**Epilogue Part II**

_**Callie**_

It's two days before my wedding to Brandon. _My wedding to Brandon._ It still doesn't feel real. That in two days I'll be a Foster. Because I'm marrying the boy who put lasagna on my plate that first night and smiled at me and saw an actual girl behind the busted lip and the bruised eye and a boatload of fear. I remember when he first showed me a few chords on his guitar that I just wished we would get to stay long enough for him to teach me a few more. I thought that was the most I could hope for. And now almost seven years later, that guitar is mine and he's going to become my husband on Saturday.

We're getting married at Stef and Lena's house. There was no question for me that it had to be there. The place where I found my family. Found him. Where we first kissed. Where we fell in love against about a million odds.

I know he's been working on a new song to sing at the wedding. He's trying to surprise me so I haven't let on that I know he's planning something. But he's not exactly stealth jumping up from the piano every time I come in the door and constantly folding up sheets of paper. It's pretty cute.

I can't wait to hear it. But I also feel a little bit bad. He's always the one taking my breath away with a song or with some beautiful speech. With what he said before we kissed for the first time. With Outlaws. That night in the kitchen that started us for the second time. The morning when he told the Moms not to worry about us breaking up because he wouldn't fall out of love with me ever. And I feel like I'm forever struggling to find the perfect words to say back, to tell him how much he means to me. I think he knows. I hope I show him every single day how much I love him. But still. With the wedding coming, I'm feeling the need to find the words to thank him for being him and for being mine.

I briefly entertain the idea of writing my own vows. And then I realize I can't do that. I'll get nervous, I'll forget things. And besides it's not about letting other people know, it's just about us. So I decide to try to write it all down in a letter. Five, really six plus now, years of loving him. I'll give it to Jude to give to him the morning of the wedding so that when he sees me walking toward him, he'll know exactly what I'm feeling.

_Dear Brandon,_

_The next time you see me we'll be in the backyard again for another wedding. Only this time it's ours. The closer it gets, I keep thinking about us at the Moms' wedding. No, not the kiss. Although of course, yes, I remember that too. But mostly I'm remembering what you said to me. You said that I deserved to be happy, that I deserved to have everything I wanted._

_The truth is that day I had no idea what I wanted or what would make me happy. I did know exactly what I wanted in that moment- to kiss you and kiss you and kiss you- because that was all I had thought about for weeks. But what I really wanted in my life, what could make me happy? I was way too broken and way too scared then to know._

_But I'm not broken anymore. And I'm not scared. And while I'm not going to say that you fixed me, you did change everything for me from the start. You followed me to help me find Jude before you even knew either of us. I don't know if we ever would have ended up back with you guys if you hadn't decided to do that. You made me see that there actually were people in the world who gave a damn, who I could maybe trust. I was so so scared that day and you made me feel like I wasn't alone. And when we became friends- were we ever really just friends? I'm not sure- I noticed that you never once looked at me like some trashy girl who had been in juvy or like some broken foster kid who no one would ever want. You saw right through all of that when I was sure no one ever would. And once I felt safe with you, I let in Stef and Lena and everyone. You gave me our family, Brandon. Way before you asked me to be your wife._

_And when I thought I needed to be adopted to be a part of this family, you let me break your heart because you wanted me to be happy. I never thought that I could find someone to love that would love me back unconditionally. But I knew then that I had and that you did. And what I realized eventually was that that kind of love is something that you have to grab and hold on to with everything you have. You always knew that. I'm sorry it took me a little longer. But even when we were apart, __I still felt connected to you. There was never one second when deep down I didn't know that I was completely in love with you._ _And there never will be._

_And what I've learned since we've been together is that unthinkably good things can happen- even to me. It's such a surprise to know that still. For a long time, I didn't like getting up in the morning and having to start another day. And I definitely didn't look forward to the future. But since you came into my life, I've found something to love about every day and I now want so many more of them. That doesn't mean I think our life together is going to be perfect. I know it won't be. I know neither of us is perfect. But you love me perfectly. _

_So, unlike at that other wedding where we first kissed, when we kiss at this wedding, you should know that this time I know exactly what I need to be happy and exactly what I want. _

_I want to be married to you. I want to wake up with you every morning and I want to crawl into bed with you every night and steal the blankets and then feel bad and give them back. I want to make love to you in the kitchen even when our toast is burning and we're both going to be late for work and in your old bed like it's our first time when we stay over at Moms' house for holidays and have to try really hard to be quiet and on the piano when you are so focused and it's ridiculously sexy and pretty much everywhere else. I want to watch TV with you and fight over the remote control and listen to you play the same 5 notes on the piano for three hours until I think I'm starting to go insane. I want to have pancakes in bed with you and take bubble baths with you and watch you sleep when you doze off writing music on the couch with your head in my lap. I want to keep making biscuits and gravy for you and I want you to keep pretending you enjoy them. I want to take care of you when you're sick even though you're really dramatic every time you have a little cold and I want you to hold me when I have a bad dream. I want you to help me when I can't reach a zipper on my dress and I want to tie your ties before all your performances. I want to make babies with you and __I want you to dry my tears on their first day of kindergarten. And I wan__t us to open our home and our hearts to some bigger kids who feel like no wants them and I want to watch you teach them piano. I want to stay up all night on Christmas Eve putting toys together with you and make fun of your nonexistent gift wrapping skills and fall asleep under the tree in your arms. I want us both to roll our eyes when __your, no, __our crazy family comes barreling through the door way too early on Christmas morning even though we both know we kind of love it. I want all of it, I want everything with you. The hard stuff too. If there were a thousand guns lined up outside, I would want to face them with you. (But I hope there's no guns ever. We've had enough drama to last ten lifetimes.)._

_I care about you. I want you. I'm always going to be dying to reach out for you._

_And I love you. So much. I hope you never forget that. But if you do, even for a minute, read this letter for a reminder. Or just ask me to write you another one. You'll know where to find me- right by your side. Every day and every night. _

-Callie

**I had to throw in a little Outlaws in the last line! I hope you guys enjoyed Callie's letter as much as I enjoyed writing it and I hope you'll let me know what you thought. I have been so so appreciative of the reviews and have had a lot of fun writing for you. I wish all of us some good Brallie scenes in the next 2 eps. I'm feeling hopeful and God knows we deserve it after this season. xoxo**


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